Mummy and Leona at Flatford, i was heavily preggo with Lex, that night i went into labour and had him 3 days later.
Leona lookin summery on Felixstowe beach
My fat lil pudd Leona as a babe, spit of Lex?
Newborn Leona a few hours old, precious.
Right so where do i start???
Well at the beginning i guess......The moment i found out i was pregnant was life changing.All sorts of thoughts were going through my head.The first thought was "Oh no"How do i tell my boyfriend So i just come out with it, i didn't even think, just said ,"Guess what I'm pregnant" And u should of seen the smile that spread across his face he was so happy. So there u go that's the 1st hurdle over.
Then how do i break it to every1 else??? It was hard for them close to me. There were tears questions ETC: You see, when i found out i was pregnant i was a week away from turning 19.So yeah young i suppose??I was still living at home,i had no job(i had quit hairdressing because even tho i was a Saturday girl since the age of 13 i just didn't enjoy it),So as i had no job obv that means no money.BUT DO U KNOW WHAT?? All these negative thoughts on it i never even considered having an abortion because its not what i am.No way never,and trust me i was not in the best position to bring a baby in the world but i did.No question in my mind if it was the right choice.
All thru my pregnancy i got frowned upon by midwives, doctors anyone really.I wasn't young enough to be mothered and cared for like 13/14 yr old girls but yet they didn't think i was old enough to be treated with respect. That made me so angry.
Girls who have been pregnant know u have to be checked often for yours and the baby's health.It was such a struggle trying to book an appointment because they always put me to the back of the list.Through the whole 9 months of pregnancy i was probably seen about 5 times if that.By different midwives.I never had a main midwife to look after me.I got passed to anyone. I didn't know who was going to be delivering my baby,and no docs or mids told me about labour and birth classes or groups of any sort so i didn't know what to expect.I was pretty scared i can tell ya
I got admitted to hospital 5 days after my due date.I was there all day not really being told much until about 4pm afternoon a midwife come along and said "Oh by the way we r going to induce you,Ur staying in." So my boyfriend had to quickly ring round n tell everyone.They gave me a tablet bout 5 pm to start me off so i was getting more nervous.They said they would be back 8/9 pm to give me my second 1.They finally came back half 10 at night and said "Sorry we cant give u your second tablet because we r short staffed tonight ." Then they walked off and told my boyfriend to go home.
So i was all alone then.It says in hospital rules that partners are allowed to stay if u r in labour.Well i had been getting pains about an hour after they gave me the first tablet and i told them this and asked if Pete could stay they said no.I asked some1 else if they thought i was in labour and they said i will be getting pains because that's what the first tablet they gave me does and they should have given me all of the tablets. So understandably i was angry again that they had just left me like that
About midnight /1ish i got a show of blood and any1 who has been thru it knows this is a pretty good sign ur in labour.I went and told the nurses, They told me to go back to sleep even tho i was getting pains every few Min's.So once again i was left scared,alone and in bad pain. Finally about 4 am they come and TOLD me without asking me that they were going to give me pethidine and it would knock me out for about 3 hours.
So they injected it in the side of my back and just as i thought it done nothing apart from made me worse.It didn't knock me out at all..So i put it up with it still all on my own.Id asked a few times if i could ring Pete and my mum and get them here .They told me no. I bet all u mums who know have a question for me?/If i was so sure i was in labour why hadn't my waters broke?And yeah i was wondering the same thing all night even with my limited information id had whilst pregnant i still knew my waters should of broke.They finally did at 8am.everywhere.A lot trust me!I felt so much pain wen that happened i called a nurse.
She saw my waters had broke and i could hardly walk and u know what she said??Go to the reception desk(a few rooms away) and ring ur family.I COULD NT EVEN MOVE 1 STEP HOW THE HELL WAS I MEANT TO DO THAT?? they then said oh we will ring for u.So Pete and my mum arrived 45 mins later.By the time they got here i was so upset about what id been thru all alone that i didn't really notice them much..Then a doctor came round and said right WE ARE GIVING U AN EPIDURAL (again no one asked me) they started to get the needle ready to put the drip in the vein of my hand and as if i wasn't in enough pain the doctor was talking to some one just as he was about to inject,he got the wrong place and i looked up just in time to see my blood shooting out of my hand like a waterfall because he popped it.it went right up to the ceiling.God my hand swelled up to ten times its size and it was black and blue and hurt for weeks.
I had to have 4 people hold me down because my pains were so bad i couldn't stay still and they put the epidural at the bottom of my spine.ALL U MUMS AGAIN will know u r not meant to have an epidural if u are over 6/7 centimeters dilated.Well no-one had bothered checking me and turns out i was a good 8 centimeters.So the epidural made things worse and as it numbs u i was meant to be pushing for the baby's sake it was getting in distress they told me,yet i couldn't feel wen i had to push because of the stupid epidural i wasn't even meant to have but was forced to have.
They were all yelling at me Laura u have to push get the baby out and i was hysterical.I just couldn't do it.Then they got the vontousse out and basically its like a plunger trying to help get the baby out.I didn't mind that they again hadn't asked me if they could do this because i knew it was best for the baby.So they were doing this for a while then i heard them say if the baby's not out within 3 pushes we need to do an emergency c-section get a theatre ready.Well do u know what??I was so scared for the little life in me that i got the baby out on the last push.
Then i heard uve got a little girl,my happy face turned to fear when i realised they hadn't placed her on me and i hadn't even heard her cry.they were resuscitating her for 3 minutes as she wernt breathing :( then she started breathing again thank god..
She was perfect.I'm not going to go into much detail about my after care but it was just as bad.They left me sitting in my own blood for about 6 hours before they told me to go bath myself and they told me to clean out the bath tub after.As u girls will know not an easy task when uve just had loads of stitches.But i did it.Later that night when they told peter to go i said to the midwivesim scared of looking after her because my hand hurts so much i was scared that id hurt her by not holding her right and do u know what they said to that"Get over yourself uve just had a baby the last thing u need to worry about is ur hand"
I was so hurt by that comment. I got out of there as soon as i could the next day and yes before anyone says i know i was soooo lucky to be walking out of there with a healthy baby after everything that happened and i truly do know how lucky i am.it could of been a whole lot worse and I'm thankful she made it.Luckily i never got postnatal depression after the birth.I loved my Leona-Amy to bits and wouldn't change her for anything but i did get something called post traumatic stress disorder.It was just suffering nightmares about it all the time and flashbacks and crying when i thought about it.
do you know what i found out when i fell pregnant with my son?? that i had severe pre-eclampsia that's why they induced me. how could they have not bothered to tell me that at the time?? because they failed me that's why
thanks for reading girls i know its been a long one, i will be posting about the birth of my son in the next few days and that was a whole different experience ................... xx
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